Momnesia The Book

The Momnesia Alarm Clock

A momnesia-inflicted brain is a funny thing, and my friend Krista is a walking example.

We will be at the park talking about something. A normal conversation, nothing big. But every five minutes (almost exactly) she will gasp and shout in a panic:

Then five minutes later:

Then five minutes later:

 

It's that momnesia alarm clock. It kicks in when you are out in public, after your brain has been on autopilot for a few minutes. Then you snap out of it and think, "Where's the baby!?" Invariably, she is right there. In your arms. But still - momentary panic.

I reminded Krista of her "Where's Téa" outbursts and she laughed. She admitted that they are frequent -- and not slowing down.

A pause. Then I said, "You know, I think I'm going to write about that on the blog."

Krista, walking example of momnesia, replied: "Write about what?"

 

Best to Avoid Presentations

Momnesia won't last your whole life (probably...) but while you're in the throes of it, you might want to avoid giving any presentations. Just a suggestion.

Katy Morgan writes about this situation on her blog, and there are other funny momnesia moments shared in the comments section of her post. While you're over there, be sure to check out her "About Us" page. It's totally entertaining. I've never seen one like it.   

Happy reading! And remember: no presentations!

 

To-do: Find My To-do List

We momnesia sufferers know how important it is to write things down. We also know that this "solution" can quickly get out of hand.

I was reminded of this as I read this article at Working Mother magazine. The writer, Tracy Evans, has some funny examples to share. For instance, she put a bunch of information online (birthdays, upcoming events, contact info, etc.), then later she couldn't find the link to get back to the info.  

Personally, I make lists - dozens of them - and then I put them in places that I think I'll remember. Naturally, they get lost and I find them weeks later (only to be reminded of the urgent things I haven't done). Just this week I found a Word document on my computer called "Master To Do List - READ." It was from earlier in 2009 and I have no idea what it contains. I'm too freaked out to open it.

Then there are the lists that I DO find, but they make no sense to me whatsoever. Here's an earlier blog post about that lovely situation.

To try and gain control of this situation, I have now gathered all my lists in one place. At least the ones I could find. They are here on my desk... Time to create a new Word document. "Master To Do List - SERIOUSLY READ THIS ONE!"

10 Signs You Have Momnesia This Holiday Season

1. You forget to buy turkey at the market and end up preparing a chicken nugget holiday dinner.

 

2. Right before the church service you realize you forgot to shower, so you lick a candy cane and smear it on your skin for a fresher smell.

 

3. At work you discover you’re wearing your kids’ holiday stockings instead of socks.

 

 

4. You forget to buy a gift for your child’s teacher, and give her your used Starbucks card with a $13.47 balance.

 

5. You accidentally mail the wrong gift to your nine-year-old nephew...the wrong gift being the edible underwear gag gift for your husband.  

 

 

6. You tie jingle bells to your nursing bra to keep yourself awake.

 

7. You wrap a bazillion gifts, a week later to realize none of them have tags.  

 

 

8. About 25 minutes into the “Meet Santa” line at the mall it hits you: You only came to make a quick exchange at Old Navy. Your kids aren’t even with you.

 

9. After losing the shopping list, you end up using diaper sticky tabs to tape the wrapping paper.

 

 

10. You have no idea whose name you pulled in the family’s Secret Santa gift exchange.

Holiday Tip #2

Here's a classic Momnesia move. 

Your friend sends you an electronic gift certificate for the holidays. 

You receive it and are pleased. You make a *mental* note (BAD MOVE) to save the certificate and print it out later. But guess what? You actually forget about it...

Fast forward to February. Suddenly you remember about the electronic gift certificate. Where it is? Did you delete it? File it? Print it? You have NO idea - and you can't find it anywhere!

You *really* want that thing. It was a substantial amount of money to a site that you really like.  

Then you remember something else: You never even thanked your friend for the gift. 

So now you either (a) just forget the whole thing. (Ugh!) Or (b) write a note to your friend saying, "Thank you for the gift certificate you send me two months ago. Could you possibly resend it?"

Either way, not ideal. 

So Holiday Tip #2: If you get a gift certificate over e-mail reply right away with a thank you. And spend the money that instant! Preferably on some memory-enhancing vitamins. 

Holiday Tip #1

 
Unofficial studies (a.k.a. input from friends) indicates that Momnesia becomes far more intense during the holiday season. So here, to help you cope, we present a series of tips. Today we'll cover Tip #1: Don't Lose the Stash.

Maybe you've been on top of things this year. You've been buying gifts since June and stashing them away. You've been so efficient, all your shopping is done ahead of time.

Unfortunately, you've been stashing the gifts in random places all over the house, and you have no idea where 50% of them are.

 

Listen, it happens.

To avoid this classic mishap, you'll want to establish a strategy early on. Choose one central location. Maybe you could stash the gifts under a bed, for instance. But this is a place that kids might look, so be sure to add some low-key but threatening signs.

You could also create a huge pile in the garage and cover it with blankets. "But my kids will surely be curious!" you say. Well, that's why you have to act like you're collecting something of NO interest to them.  

Finally, you could hide smaller items somewhere where your kids will never go. Such as your cabinet of cleaning supplies. Or the vegetable drawer in your fridge.

Whatever you do, pick one or two places and stick with it! Either that, or forget shopping early and just go online December 19 and buy everything in a mad rush.

We'll see you back here soon for Tip #2.

No Halloween Candy? No Problem.

One year I almost forgot to buy Halloween candy. Almost.

I kept putting it off because I knew I would just end up opening the bag and eating most of the candy. Then on Halloween day I was busy and didn't remember until late afternoon that we HAD NO CANDY. Luckily I secured some before the doorbell started ringing.

But what if I had been empty handed? And what if you find yourself in a similar situation? Or if you run out of candy before the night is through?

Here are some things you can give out if you *don't* have candy:

 
 

 Of course, this may lead to...

 Happpy Halloween!

Disconcerting announcements

When you live with little kids, you're bound to hear them say some pretty funny things. Imaginative things. Cute things.

Then there are the things that make you go:

Here are just a couple things my kids have said lately that fall into the "Oh no" category. 

  
 

Sigh.

And just now, as I was posting this, another example materialized. I heard my three-year-old walking toward the stairs. She was talking to herself, saying "Be careful... don't dwop it... be careful..."

I better go. 

Someday, we'll get them back

If you live with a toddler or preschooler, you probably know what it's like to have a little human alarm clock. But unlike a REAL alarm clock that wakes you with, say, the sound of the ocean or a soft-rock hit from the 90s, your human alarm clock is loud, demanding and quite often ridiculous.

So here, to expand on our Rise and Shine post from May, we review some of the ways our kids wake us up. These are real examples, people. Real.

Then we look at how we will get these little buggers back. Bwa ha ha!

 

 
  
 
Ah, another glorious day! Thank you for waking me up, sweet child.

But listen parents, we'll get our revenge. Just bide your time... act like you aren't planning any type of revenge. Then, 10 years from now, suddenly execute your plan! BOOM! Turn the tables on them...

 

Sorry, Facilities Guy

Special update: We are excited that our blog post has been chosen to be part of September’s Carnival of Breastfeeding! The theme this month is "breastfeeding and work," and there's a lot to talk about. After you read our post, check out the links to other great blogs that are covering this topic. Happy reading!

In our first book, If These Boobs Could Talk, we explored the hilarity of breastfeeding. But one issue we didn't touch on -- which I will cover now -- is the whole pumping-at-work situation.

Invariably, one of the times you go to use the "pumping room" (or whatever your office calls it), the door is locked.

You ask around, looking for help. You are told that you need to see the "facilities guy."

OK, fine. So you hunt him down. And this fellow is a burly man. A manly man. You don't want to be discussing your breastfeeding issues with him, but your boobs are becoming increasingly engorged. You must pump soon! So you dive in.

Things go downhill from there.

And there it is. The "B" word.

The facilities guy becomes extremely flustered. All he can hear is the word "breast" reverberating around him, echoing through his head. Did I just hear the word breast at work?? Who is this young lady?? Can I run away from her?? Someone... help.. me...

This goes on for a while.

A long while. In fact, you don't even know how long because -- mercifully -- the problem is solved by someone else.

As for the facilities guy... well, he'll be traumatized for weeks. But, hey, at least HE doesn't have to shove his boob into a big suction device in hopes of pumping out three ounces of milk.

In fact, you could try telling him that next time. Just make sure he has a soft place to land when he faints.

Other Carnival Breastfeeding Posts:

The Milk Mama: A Job Where Everyone Breastfeeds

Breastfeeding Moms Unite: Breastfeeding at My Family Daycare

Marshins: Taking Your Working Boobs to Work 

Strocel.com: Working and Breastfeeding a Toddler

The Marketing Mama: Working and Pumping

Motherwear Breastfeeding Blog: Breastfeeding and Working is Possible, and You Can Make it Work

Chronicles of a Nursing Mom: Do You Really Need a Pump?

Vanderbilt Wife: I Think This Officially Makes Me a Mommy Blogger

babyREADY: What About Breastfeeding When I Go Back to Work?

Stork Stories: My Breast Pump and I Didn't Get Along

Breastfeeding Moms Unite: Ask an LC: What About Pumping?

Breastfeeding 1-2-3: Tips for Breastfeeding and Working

Breastfeeding Mums: Breastfeeding and Working in the UK

Blacktating: The 5 Biggest Mistakes Working & Pumping Moms Make

MumUnplugged: This is a Breastfeeding Office

Best for Babes: Beating the Employment "Booby Trap"

My World Edinwild: Nursing Mothers Need Workplace Support